Sam's story
When I first went to Launchpad 135, I was quite broken. I was in my mid-30s and had just been diagnosed with Autism. I could no longer work as a social worker, something I’d done for many years and in several countries. After a lifetime of coping as an undiagnosed autistic person, I burnt out. I just couldn’t do basic things for myself anymore. I wasn’t really functioning at all.
Arriving at Launchpad 135
Launchpad 135 was recommended to me by the Community Mental Health Team. My time at Launchpad 135 started slowly – initially I came once a week to take part in the Art Club. It didn’t take me long to realise that this was a place where I could truly be myself without worrying about how I was acting (masking). I could see straight away that the staff and volunteers here were positive and optimistic. There is no pressure to perform. The whole experience was far less invasive than everything I’d been dealing with for years.
Initially, I just came and painted and then I had a few 121s with one of the Launchpad 135 team. We set small, achievable goals. I was still very fragile, but I experienced a gentle re-awakening.
I continued to feel vulnerable for some time, but when I did have a difficult moment (I think it was during a work-themed event) I panicked. I started thinking about going back to work, to a place that might make me ill again. The team saw what was happening and I was taken to one side and given a cup of tea in a quiet place. No-one else noticed, no fuss is made, everything was done subtly.
Why I needed help from Launchpad
It’s important that I add some context here. I spent quite a lot of my childhood on my own, withdrawn from the kids in my school and neighbourhood. When I did mix with other kids the challenges I had as an unrecognised autistic child (still many years away from being diagnosed at this point) made life difficult.
I took everything at face value and struggled to pick up on nuances or subtexts. I’m sure you can imagine that at school I was the target of a lot of jokes and teasing. I was tricked, a lot, by people who I thought were my friends. With a bit of perspective, I now understand that I was regularly bullied at school.
Despite these challenges, I made it to university which felt like a very welcome escape and after passing my degree I decided that I wanted to be a social worker. When I started my training I kind of reinvented myself. I wanted to shake off how people at school had made me feel.
I did a lot of new things at this time – I travelled a lot and worked in three different countries. I was always seeking out new things to try – and always tried to say yes when I was asked if I wanted to do something. Looking back, I wanted to show them, and myself, that they were wrong, and I could do something great.
Things were fine for a while, but after a time I started to burn out from putting myself in situations that were stressful to me. Trying to fit in, and the stress that caused, started to affect my health on a regular basis. In 2014 I was working in the UK, and I missed a full week of work for the first time, due to mental health issues.
I pushed on after this, but things got worse and in 2016 I crashed and was taking more time off work. I was talking to doctors about how I felt and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and put on medication. At work I started to need to have written instructions when asked to anything and felt the need to repeatedly clarify what I’d been asked to do. I asked for help from my employers but didn’t get what I needed. I just ended up feeling that I had no voice, and I left my job later that year.
I thought taking another job overseas would help, but this was a mistake – leaving my job in the UK marked the start of a major burnout. At this point I was just about surviving. I came back to the UK and got a new job in Reading, but soon after that I stopped just-about-surviving and properly crashed.
My mental health was so bad, I just couldn’t keep up with work. I knew that I couldn’t continue with my career. This was very difficult for me; I’d been a social worker for years.
By the time I was 30, I was burnt out.
I felt so bad that I couldn’t do basic things for myself, I wasn’t really functioning at all.
Not being able to work quickly put my home at risk and despite having a very supportive landlord, I had to leave my flat. At first, I found it very difficult to access the benefits system – I was just overwhelmed. I ended up sofa surfing and relying on food banks.
It was at this point that I first met the Launchpad team. I went to a drop-in session and asked them for help with my situation. They helped me with a referral to Reading Borough Council’s housing team which after some time resulted in me getting a flat – somewhere stable to live.
Whilst all this was happening, I was still being cared for by the Community Mental Health Team, but I struggled to get across how I was feeling. A lot of things just didn’t seem to make sense.
My diagnosis
But then the autism diagnosis came, finally! And it made so much sense – it was a huge relief. Once I had a diagnosis, I was able to do so much research myself and it answered a lot of questions. Shortly after my diagnosis, one of the mental health team recommended I tried going to Launchpad 135 and that’s how a new chapter began.
Back to Launchpad…
After my first wobble at 135, (that I described above), I realised I was truly safe with the Launchpad team. This gave me the confidence to take part in an employer speed networking event, and I was able to talk about working again. I had more 121s and I started looking into different areas of work. Whilst I continued to think about a career change, I also signed up as a lived experience volunteer at Launchpad 135. I was able to lead a life skills social event about the written word, poetry, and artwork. The group wrote a poem together, and I could see just how powerful the peer-to-peer support that goes on at 135 is. Around this time, I was able to start working again, part time, drawing on what I’d experienced in my time as a volunteer. I’m so grateful for the Launchpad 135 team for giving me my life back.
Launchpad’s life-changing work, as outlined here’s story, can only happen with the help of our supporters.
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